Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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