i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
