only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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