i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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