We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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