Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, beer. Big fan.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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