I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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