I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What drink are we having for lunch?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
