sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
false alarm, still single
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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