That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
