Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
