trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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