Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
