You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
