he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
