note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my sisters under your porch take her home
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
