Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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