You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
