I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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