All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
