He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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