ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
