i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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