I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
