ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
