Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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