Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
