If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
