is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How does it feel to date your dad?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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