she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
