Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
sex in a hospital.. check
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
