Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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