Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
