so explain again why im purple
no
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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