4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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