meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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