p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
