once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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