We're like a lot better than the average bears
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
