My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
