I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
