Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
