M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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