do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
