my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
