It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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