Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
