i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
