You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
