I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
this hospital has no fireball
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
