I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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